Photo by Jordon Conner on Unsplash
when sorry is not good enough
fear gripping me
and being dead to my feelings
I derive meaning
from the state I am in
seeking to escape
the consequences
of not fully exposing myself
to what hides beneath
and attempting to run away
from myself
to leave the overwhelm
of intensity behind
I lash out at you
to ease my pain
I blame
allowing anger to further
obscure my truth
fearing the fear
the uncertainty
the fragility
and the lies
I weave into the stories
that make me believe
I have been wronged
when I am the one
who is only half alive
to the ever-changing
a sorry not good enough
to un-say what escaped my mouth
to erase what hit the paper
dead to my feelings
I am beginning to wake up
to all that is
love