Why I don’t care what you think of my writing

Photo by Green Chameleonon Unsplash

I don’t care. I don’t care what you think about my writing. I am reflecting on my experiences and learning, and it’s not anything you need to know. Why, because I don’t write for you. I write for myself. I am having a conversation with myself. You are most welcome to listen in. And maybe it will speak to you. But I am not writing with that in mind. Your judgments and critique are less important to me, even though I am striving to improve on how I express myself.

What sums it up perfectly is what a friend of mine shared when he said, I speak in order to listen to what I need to hear. My writing does that. It is what I need to listen to. It is what I need to hear.

I speak in order to listen to what I need to hear.

When falling back on myself, there is only a blank page, a pen and my longing to connect with others. Putting pen to paper is my outlet, processing and feeling every inch, with all my rough edges and imperfections. While building my self-acceptance, I am filling my cracks and broken bits with gems and precious metals. Bit by bit, I am allowing those gems to shine through, not ashamed of my weathered experience and of the numerous mistakes and falls I took.

I am waking up unapologetic to a life that wants to be lived, wants to be danced. Waking up to the song that wants to be sung with ever-changing lyrics and no fairytale ending. I am creating connections with friends who want to connect and love the lovers who want to be loved, whom I long to feel, and who chose me.

I no longer seek to protect my heart from living, feeling and sensing. My heart is beginning to free itself, and in that process, it wants to experience everything, unselected, unfiltered, unafraid. So that I can meet my world with discernment, creating an increasing choice, heightening my responsiveness. I intend to open my heart as wide as possible, hearing, seeing and feeling with more clarity. More clarity leads to a better focus on what is, to more appreciation and enjoyment of what I have and can create. I am making space for what is.

Voicing my thoughts is getting them out of my head and mind. It is giving them a life independent of me. Sometimes, this creates understanding and meaning. And sometimes, it invites connection.